September 2018: The Start Of My Motherhood Journey

On September 1, 2018, I started feeling strange. I had a consistent dull headache, my stomach was fluttering and nauseous, and I was a few days late on my menstrual cycle. I was supposed to start August 27th, but that did not happen. I was SCARED. One week before, I had a dream that I was holding a new baby, and in my dream, I knew he was my little boy. I just knew I was pregnant, and I did not feel ready.

I was still living with my parents, my boyfriend had just graduated in June and he had also just started working at a new full time job, and I was working in a restaurant that made me feel nauseous every time I walked in the door because of the strong food smells. I was so miserable. I was also so scared to see a positive pregnancy test that I waited until September 10th to even take a test.

*My boyfriend and I the weekend before I finally took a test*

On September 10th, I was supposed to work a double shift at the restaurant that I worked at, but I was feeling so sick that I left at 2:00pm, and I went to my best friend’s house. My friend’s son is one day from being a year older than my son so he was 4 months old last September. We talked about her motherhood experience together until my boyfriend got off of work to come meet me there. I had bought a pregnancy test earlier that day, but I waited for him to get there before taking it.

I kept putting off taking the test. I even left her house to pick up Hibachi for all of us because I was nervous. When I came back, we ate. In the middle of eating, I had to use to bathroom so I grabbed the test, and I went to the bathroom. I took the test, and then I left it on the back of the toilet and ran back to the living room without looking at it. My friend walked back in there with me, and those 2 blue lines were as dark as they could be! I almost fell out in the floor, but my friend was so excited! Her son was going to have a new friend! I was in shock, but at the same time I had known all along especially because by that time, I was 12 days late.

In the next few weeks, my boyfriend and I went through the process of telling family members about our little surprise. We got every response that you could imagine. There were bonds that were made stronger, and there were some reactions that almost burned bridges, but that’s a topic for a whole other blog.. It was just so crazy going through all of these changes and emotions. Also my boyfriend’s birthday is September 14th so happy birthday to him.. Haha.

I remember just having no choice but to be responsible and take action. I remember the long days when I went to the health department right when it opened to ask for advice and then work at my job from open until close. Also, I remember being at the Department of Social Services forever to apply for Pregnancy Medicaid. Then I had to make my first doctor appointment. I had to get the ball rolling because no one else could do this for me. It was my turn to be a mom and take care of things.

I wish I could tell that scared girl that I was then that things would soon be okay. I remember the overwhelming nights when I cried myself to sleep because I didn’t know what was going to happen. I remember that empty feeling in my chest because I would stay with my boyfriend at his mom’s house until 10:00pm most nights, and then I had to go home because I still lived there until we moved out together. If I could go back in time, I would’ve appreciated the nights when I would come home to my mom who ran me bath water and stayed up waiting for me to get home. I texted her when I was on my way home, and she did that every night. She’s always been my biggest supporter, and she still is.

Now I have a beautiful boy, and I’m so in love with him. My boyfriend and I are very happy in our own place. Things are very great now, and I wouldn’t change anything about my life right now. I’m so glad that I stayed strong even in my hardest moments because I wouldn’t be they person I am now if it wasn’t for my son. He’s everything to me.